too bad you live with your parents still
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
