who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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