all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
