wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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