So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
