Im at strip club and am horny
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
