I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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