I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
