You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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