Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
