she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
