bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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