At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
