My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
