I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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