Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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