Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
