the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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