Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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