he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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