I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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