my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
