It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
