decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
