just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
