I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
