Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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