People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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