so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
