Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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