it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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