I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
