I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
