Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
