i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
