3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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