pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
