GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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