It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
