your parents love me but you hate me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
