but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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