I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
