Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
