quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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