he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize