we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
