You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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