i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
