Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.