Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
