I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know