Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong