Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen