Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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