Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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