why didn't you poke me back
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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