Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
