I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
