If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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