Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
