I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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