Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
