The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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