They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
