I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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