Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
