So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
...so i touched it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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