just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
