We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
