I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize