I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
