He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
