You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
